OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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