she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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