I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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