Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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