You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
