She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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