So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
