there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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