In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
