Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
