Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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