She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
