my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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