i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
