where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
