I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
