look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
