he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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