So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
