I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
