tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
