How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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