You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
How naked do you want me to be?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
