I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
