The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
