Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
