i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
