i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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