trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
