god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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