I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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