community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
