can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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