we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
3pm strippers are depressing
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize