NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
