I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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