Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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