so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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