they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize