This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
