dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
