nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
