well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
