i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
