but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my phone needs a breathalizer
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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