Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think i got beer on your cat.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
