One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
