Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
