do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
