just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well I just put wine in my tea
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
