She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
