my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize