Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
