if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Randomize
