Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
