How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Let's paint friendship bongs
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
