Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
