I want to have your abortion
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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